I have a lot of flaws, that's no secret. I try to be open with my readers, so you know my heart, so you don't put me on a pedestal, so I don't seem to have my life wrapped up in brown paper and placed under the tree.
One of my flaws is this: I let walls hold me in.
I like to write. If I'm not pouring my heart onto the pages of my journal or into letters and online logs, I feel like I'm missing part of myself. I've always been an advocate for writing for yourself, and not caring what the world thinks about it. I stand by that, place my hand on the bible and make me swear-- it's true. The problem is, people do read what I write and I enjoy that. I love seeing my articles on womanhood shared and talked about and enjoyed. I enjoy getting emails from women who share their broken hearts with me and express words of healing, and health and growth.
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing those thoughts with me! I tell them. Because I feed on affirmation, I need to hear it's well received, that others feel like I do, that there's a community of healing souls across the globe that I perhaps will never meet, and they know me.
But I let myself be confined. I won't write what I feel doesn't fit my "brand".
Like I'm putting myself in a box, closing the lid and saying "this is all that is allowed."
Once again (how many times now) I'm starting with only the things I know are true. I will write the things that press my heart. It's important, it's me.
Yeah, I'm busy and I definitely don't have time to invest as I should. As I've said over and over again-- writing is part of me. It's spilling my own blood to make the form of words. I can't go without it.
I write for Grafted Magazine, but not as much as before, (God bless new writers who have amazing things to say!) and I write in my book. But my space for writing things that I can't stop thinking of hasn't felt right. Writing at Bonfire Hearts for the past few years has been wonderful. It's one of my favorite spaces I've ever written in. My style has evolved though. I don't like sharing so much of my personal life. I don't like talking about the intricacies of my relationships, or sharing poetry meant for the eyes of my sweetheart alone.
I do like to talk about Jesus, like a lot. I like to talk about Christianity, and hypocrisy and biblical womanhood. I like to talk about feminism, and race and the grace of God. I like to talk about current topics, and the church and missions. I like to challenge myself to not take things at face value, and question the things that everyone agrees are true.
Okay, yes. I also like to talk about my relationship too. Noble is a big part of my life so I'm sure I'll be talking more about relationships, and dating/courtship and love and purity. All those fun things.
So, hello there.
This is my familiar space. I will write the things that break my heart, the things that keep me up late praying and pacing and crying out.
xoxo Johanna Grace