I have a problem when I try to blog. It's very unusual. Highly irregular.
Are you ready?
I'm afraid of writing too personally on my public space. I don't even let my fingers touch the keyboard before a little voice in my head says "No, someone might read that." And so I shut it up, or should I say myself. I scare myself
"What if they think this is about them"
"Then again, isn't it?"
So I close the window, say I'll finish it later. Tuck myself into a clean, white handkerchief. Fold it up, push it into my pocket with the tips of my fingers digging in. It's not that I'm not honest with you, with myself. I am, at least I feel like my soul is open and my eyes are wide. What do you want to know, I'm an open book.
You know how sometimes when you read a really good book and you cry and wet the page and the next time you open it, those pages are there together, easy to open if you try but still pressed together with faint saltwater stains in the fibers. That's how I feel, I guess.
The truth is: I'm doing fine. The truth is: I've never been better. But at the same time, my heart is filled with things to say, but things I won't let myself say.
Do you ever feel like that?
Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your holidays are a nice break from school and work and that you get to eat very many yummy things and feel supported and loved by your family. If you're having a rough time, shoot me an email if you want to talk email@example.com. I don't bite.
xoxo Johanna Grace
ps. wooooooooooah new year is soon. I have the biggest thing I'm launching on the 1st, so be ready. Here's a preview.