Be Still and Know


Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

I woke up early this morning without knowing why, read some verses sent to me by a friend so dear and ran until my lungs were screaming and I couldn't think or cry. If you'd look at me right now you'd think I'm in a heartbreak. That my outside is caving in to my center and if you blink, I'll flicker and fade away. I'm covered in a strange sense of peace, I can feel my stomach churning and my heart beating like a bird against the top of a cage or against a closed window. I like my days to be spaced out equally, I like for one thing to happen in each, something you can hold onto and touch. This week has been a layered cake, full of things you don't expect and are nice on their own but maybe too much together. It's been sweet, like candy. But like candy, sometimes it's too much. So I'm learning to be still, because He is God and he will reign.

The truth is, there's no heartbreak. I'm tossing like a plastic bag on the breeze, watching these paths unfold in front of me and it's hard giving in. Saying not my will but yours be done is easy until it's hard and it feels like you're breaking your bones.
I ran this morning to stop the dull beating in my head, so that my stomach wouldn't be the ocean and cause a wave in my heart. I keep whispering "Christ is everything. He'll be all."

That's all I really need to hold onto.

xoxo Johanna
p.s. I finished high school forever yesterday.
p.p.s. I'm graduating next Saturday and my speech won unanimously.
p.p.p.s. You guys are beautiful and great.