Do you ever start something and swear you'll finish and walk away, fill your coffee mug, do some yoga, read a book and then you look back and it's been months since you blogged?
I'm afraid I know that feeling too well.
It's not that I haven't wanted to blog, it's not that I haven't tried. I actually have quite a few drafts in my folder which started out strong and ended with a windy "eh." I closed the tab, swore I'd blow the dust off it sometime and say "It hasn't been that long from my last post anyway." I'm a mess.
I'm trying to find my groove in blogging again, I think it's going to take me a while. I feel like a lot of my old roots in blogging are wanting to show again. If you've followed me since the Growing Up On A Farm days, you know... the ~~humor~~ stage. (Jess knows it well. SIDE NOTE! She's blogging again. SIDE NOTE TO SIDE NOTE! I met her and hugged her a lot. WHAT. Post about that soon.)
I'm not sure if that's what will happen with this blog, but I know that I don't take myself too seriously. If I can't laugh at the world, I'm not at my happiest, and lately I'm happy. The world is beautiful, the weather is perfect, I have a wonderful family, a fun job, a God who loves me and calls my name, a boyfriend who makes me laugh and loves Jesus as much as I do. So, naturally my writing is gravitating to happiness.
That makes it kind of hard to write poetry easily. Words seem to swell in the depths of my soul and overflow onto paper when I'm melancholy. It's that search for answers, that balm for a sore. When my soul is at ease, I don't want to write about it. I want to paint the world with every bit of light I can. I want to plant seeds in good earth, talk to every interesting person I see, fill my head with new ideas and goals and ambitions.
I guess I should start writing about those again, I'm going to try.
I'm learning that life is so much more than just celebrating when times aren't hard, and trying to get out of the times that are. It comes down to simply celebrating living. So that's what I'm working on.
Call it an early new years resolution.
I'm striving to celebrate all the moments, work on remembering all the moments. Take pictures of things I love more. Write about things I love more. I don't want to look back in my blogs and notebooks and only see descriptions of the days that were hard, though that's important too.
Here's the first step.
Today was one of those round days. No sharp edges to catch your hips on. It was an early morning, light streaming, coffee drinking, pop singing, Jesus talking day. It was a day when a total stranger leans over at the orthodontist and talks about Jesus and says "the minute you sat down, I could tell you we're full of the Holy Spirit. It's spilling out of you, girl." And she tells you about her hard week, she says that Jesus, no matter what, is always there and oh how she loves him. She tells you that you're really beautiful, and smiles when you respond to her statement of "you'll have no trouble finding a man in this world. You can be picky, I can tell you are." with a simple nod and "I think I've got that figured out." She also stops trying to get her son to look your way, that's a bonus.
Your appointment aligns with friends you love and this room full strangers, people who didn't know each other before, praise God. They talk about how He's moving in their hearts and lives, and these people don't have anything in common in this world, only Him.
You leave that office with Jesus' name on your lips and a handful of first names of people you probably won't see again. But that's okay. You just met the church.
xoxo Johanna Grace