The Truth of Being Busy
It's no secret that I am an achiever. A go-getter. A virtual mountain climber (a hopeful real mountain climber). In other words: busy. I do a lot of things. I manage a magazine, and a photography business and help homeschool three little boys. I'm a full time college student who studies 40 hours a week on a 2 year track to get my BA. I lead a bible study for kiddos. I write articles for Grafted Magazine, and direct teams, talk to CEO's about working with me and negotiate affiliations. I fellowship with believers a few times a week and try to contribute and edify and throw my whole self into worship.
On top of all that, I need and want to spend time with my family, my 6 siblings and parents. I live under the same roof as them and even so rarely know what is happening in their lives. Having meaningful conversation with Noble and friends is something I can't live without, which makes a few hours a week to remove myself from studying and work to listen and learn from others wiser than me. The truth is being busy usually means not being present in the moment. Ironically, being in the thick of everything sometimes means missing out on a lot of small moments, it means being an observer of a situation. It means sinking your teeth into so many things that the flavor is muddled and you don't get the full experience.
Lately, I have put the camera down when I'm out with my boyfriend or visiting with friends. I think I'm tired of the push to document every aspect of our lives to look back on someday. I don't want to look back, even if it's too look on the good things. Leave me expectant and hungry for more. But I've put the camera down because I want to be present in the moment, and make memories that stick close to my heart for the years to come. My friend
wrote an article recently while I was still in the middle of writing this one and I think she covered everything I've been worried about. I'm worried that I spend too much time making my pictures aesthetically pleasing, that I don't enjoy the moment, and I don't actually capture the truth. She gave me food for thought, love you Rachel.
Where was I? Oh yes, the truth of being busy.
I am coming to the conclusion that I am addicted to activity, to projects, to seeing dead things come to life under my fingertips that no one else could manage. I'm a control freak in some ways. I take on a lot at once and then don't really ask for help. I'll have 15 things almost spiraling out of control before I'll say "hey, will you help me with this?" It's not that I'm proud,
(Well, maybe I am.)
And I don't think it's because I don't trust others.
(But maybe it's a little bit of that.)
I just know what I'm capable of, and I don't like to give in easily. I don't like to take the glory for something working, but I love to see people excited about something that I know worked because I put my whole self into it. Maybe it's that I love success, and working hard. I love to have something to show for myself, something I can grasp that says "hello, this is who I am. This is what I can do, I'm capable of so much and possibly more."
Some things I am learning:
It is okay to admit you've taken on too much.
This is something that I'm still learning and may take me a while to actually get into my head. I hate to admit that I can't handle something. But the people who love you want to help more than anything.
You are capable of SO MUCH. And you don't have to prove that to anyone.
You know your worth, you know you can take a project and make it work.
It's okay to say no.
Delegation works out for everyone in the end.
The only way to get others to be in as much love with the project as you are is to give them something worth being in love with.
Testing your limit is a good thing
This is something Noble reminds me of and I'm thankful for it. You don't know your limit until you reach it, so don't play safe when you can do more.
So the truth about being busy is that if I'm not busy, I'm not me. If I'm not doing something that changes something in the world, I don't feel useful. If I don't have something planned down to the minute of every day, then I don't see myself as busy.
Does this make sense? I'm not sure. At this point, I've been studying for 5 hours, planning out a few different articles and working on the structure of two different magazine teams. What can I say? I'm busy.
What are your thoughts on being busy? Is it an excuse? Do you prioritize people above work and school like I try to do, or are you more concerned with getting straight A's (I'm trying to force myself not to fall into that category).
What about documenting your life for the whole world to see? Lots of interesting discussions to be had these days in the blogosphere.
xoxo Johanna Grace